10 Things Couples Should Talk About Before Marriage
Children? In-laws? Money? To avoid conflicts and unnecessary surprises, it is better to have some clear things before the time of marriage arrives.
1) How did your Parents Solve their Problems?
It is not necessary to have read Freud or understand psychoanalysis, to know that parents are fundamental actors in the life of each one, whether they are present or precisely because of their absence.
They say that what is inherited is not stolen, and humans copied much of our parents, for example, how to resolve conflicts in the couple. The relationship of our parents is the first one we learned and probably the one we tend to repeat throughout our lives.
2) Do you want to have Children?
It is one of the big issues. Do you want to have children? How many? How followed? Paternity is a great responsibility, which attracts a lot of stress and can be the trigger for various conflicts. That is why we must agree on fundamental things so that there are no unnecessary surprises
3) What Place does Religion Occupy in your life?
Although less and less, there are many people for whom religion is very important. This does not mean that both must believe in the same thing, but respect the other’s decision and live with it.
4) How will we Manage our Revenues?
The issue of money should not be overlooked as “superficial”. One can be very in love and think that he will never argue for money. But that will not necessarily always be so, especially if money is scarce. To avoid conflicts, it is best to discuss it and clearly states how the couple will financially work.
5) Can you Bear to do things without you?
Although at first one usually wants to be with the loved one all day, with the passage of months and years, that can change and it is even healthy to do so. That is why it is important to set aside time to be without the other, to know how to be, and it is essential that the other person accepts it and do theirs as well.
6) Do our Parents like us?
It does not always happen, but sometimes the in-laws can be a cause of conflict, so it is important for a couple to know what role they want them to occupy. Parents can not force them to change, but we can make agreements about what is going to be done with those things that we do not like them.
7) How important do you give to Sex?
There are as many sexual tastes as people in the world and each individual has different needs. Here the important thing is the dialogue, the sincerity, and the empathy.
8) What do you call Faithfulness?
Do you see pornography? Do you talk to your ex-partners? Is flirting a form of infidelity? It is best to have things clear from the beginning.
9) What do you like about me and what Bothers you?
Knowing what your other person values and what you would like to change is very important for coexistence. Then it is in a willing/able to change it, but at least there is knowledge about it.
10) How do you see us in 10 or 20 years?
While divorce exists, getting married is projecting a long-term plan with the other person. But today will not be that tomorrow, and it is crucial to know where you are going. What does your partner project? What do you project? Are there similarities? A common future implies that every decision you make points to the same side.
