It is possible (and you must!) To be independent in a relationship, and there are ways to do it without endangering what unites them. I used to have a satisfying life before being part of a couple. That is one of the complaints that I hear the most in my office and, usually, comes from women, not men.
Why? Well, for girls it is more difficult to maintain their autonomy once they start a relationship, this is because they have been shaped by society to think first about the needs of others.
That is especially true love. However, courtships are at their best when both members give attention and take time to be alone.
Think about it: having the freedom to do your own things, as well as spending quality time together, prevents them from feeling frustrated.
In addition, the period without it enriches your life and makes the moments, when in pairs, more meaningful and enjoyable. So if you have let your whole world merge with your boy’s, it would be very smart for you to create certain independent spaces with these rules.
1. Do activities separately
When you are immersed in those first months of the relationship, it is natural to discover that you have less time for your hobbies.
Spending quality days with your lover makes both happy, so who cares if you skip your appointment at the pedicure or a spinning class, right? Well, no.
Postponing your activities creates an insane precedent for your bond and sends the message that your life is based only on what he wants and on his schedules.
It is very important that you honor your own wishes. That means going to paint your nails if you want, get on your bike and pedal as if there were no tomorrow or do anything that you have postponed.
But the most important thing: once you commit to these plans, do not cancel them even if your gallant wants to be with you; You can wait a little while.
2. Get with your friends
We’ve all met that girl, or maybe it’s her, who disappears from the face of the earth as soon as she starts dating someone.
Not only is this type of behavior disrespectful because of the bond you have with your friends, but it also deprives you of specific feelings of love and attention that nothing else they can give to your life, because no matter how nice your boyfriend is, he can not cover that role.
In order to avoid following this pattern, organize a girls’ night in which it is forbidden to cancel. When the subject arises with your beau, do not ask him if it is okay or not that you go, just tell him that you will leave.
Remember: the point of having independence is that you do not have to ask for it.
3. Take a vacation
If you die to get away for a weekend and your boy is very busy or does not like the idea, do not wait for him to go, go alone!
Instead of seeing it as a distancing and worrying about the relationship, consider it as an opportunity for individual growth.
Use the trip to analyze who you are, what you like and what you do not. If all goes well, you will return home with funny anecdotes and new experiences, which will make your conversations with him more exciting.
4. Visit to your family
It makes sense that you want to bring your boyfriend to these relatives or anywhere. But, believe us, there really is no need to take it all, especially if you have a good relationship with your family.
It’s usually refreshing to spend time with your loved ones without him. And to be honest your boy may not understand all those local jokes (which is when you spend half the night explaining them instead of being with your family), or maybe he does not find your house as fascinating as you are.
And it’s OK! Your home can be a place where you go where everyone you love is, so enjoy your company.
5. Explain your Decision
Now, by taking these steps, there is a chance that you feel displaced by your new freedom. Maybe you start worrying that by doing your own things you are unintentionally pushing it away. Being open with him about why you need time for yourself usually helps them avoid these feelings. Assure her that what you are looking for is good for both of them and, in the long term, also for the relationship.
If you still do not assimilate the idea that you have a life of your own, it may be time to reconsider what you are willing to sacrifice to be with someone who does not let you be yourself.