The science of behavior (or behavior) has spent a lot of time researching what makes us happy and what moves away from that happiness. But happiness could be closer when it is not sought imperiously, when we make small changes in our behavior and our relationships, for example. Always having different perspectives of what happens to us can be a good way to start feeling it.
Have you considered the power your thoughts have over your happiness?
Observe the thoughts
Learning to control negative thoughts, to perceive them in another way, is a simple and effective way to begin to feel good from within.
Human beings tend to reflect more on bad experiences than on positive ones, something that is an evolutionary adaptation: learning from the harmful situations that we face throughout life (intimidation, trauma, betrayal) helps us to avoid them in the future and react quickly to a crisis.
That’s why we have to work a little harder to be able to stop at negative thoughts and “conquer” them. This is how you can achieve it:
Do not try to stop negative thoughts
Saying to yourself “I have to stop thinking about this”, only makes you think more about it. On the other hand, you can achieve the opposite if you start accepting those thoughts .
Treat yourself like a friend
When you have negative thoughts about yourself, ask yourself what advice you would give to a friend who feels bad about himself. Then what you have to do is apply that advice.
Challenge your negative thoughts
There are studies that show that challenging and changing irrational thoughts can reduce the symptoms of depression . The goal is to move from a negative mentality (“I am a failure”) to a more positive one (“I have had a lot of success in my career, this is just a bad time, I can learn from that and be better”). Here are some examples of questions you can ask yourself to challenge your negative thoughts.
First, write your negative thinking. Then ask yourself these questions:
- What is the evidence of this thought?
- Am I basing this on facts? Or feelings?
- Could you be misunderstanding the situation?
- How could other people see the situation differently?
- How could I see this situation if it had happened to someone else?
The negative thoughts are present, depending on what we do with them is how to influence our feelings. If instead of denying or wanting to move away, we can accept and understand them, we will be closer to feeling what we call happiness.